What is Love and How do we find it?

When our ego loves it depends on the other person being there and doing things to please us and make us feel special. When the other person doesn't make us feel special we fall out of love quickly.

It seems that our ego is always searching for love outside of ourselves. We long for that deep connection with another to complete us and make us feel whole. We search for the feeling of being completely held, honored and appreciated outside of ourselves in others and in our work. We look for it in food, drugs, physical touch, physical intimacy and in all the wrong places. When we can't find what we are looking for we end up suffering depression, anger, disappointment and lost.

Love is not really the emotion we think it is. It isn't an experience or something we get.

The best way to know love is to give it and give it without strings attached. If we give love in this way we discover we had love all the time and that we are actually true love.

But is this level of love ever possible given our human beingness? The world today teaches us that love is about feeling special and depends on another's actions or lack of actions. The need to feel loved is the work of the ego that says we are not worthy or good enough to be loved or love for that matter. When we keep looking outside ourselves to be special in someone's eyes, we end up projecting these feelings onto others instead of being able to feel these feelings of grief and loss. We end up competing to be special which ultimately leads once again to separation from our true selves and true love.

When the ego is in love, it is all about being right and projecting your feelings onto another so that you can remain right. All relationships start in projection and move through various stages of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility responsibility for one's feelings and actions.

Conscious Love happens when two people decide to commit themselves to support each other in learning that each is whole just as they are. Creating a conscious relationship involves two people who are willing to feel their feelings of sadness or fear and share their vulnerability. It is a commitment to becoming more aware and learning to overcome the ego defense mechanisms that were created for survival at an early age. Conscious loving is about learning to stay in the present and feel what is real no matter what you think the other may think about you. It is also being able to feel the feelings without having to act on them. This is what individuation is really all about. Learning that you are a separate being with separate feelings.

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