Ask for What You Want

The hard part is know what you want and also being clear about what you do want. Often discovering what you want is a process of finding out what you don't want so that you can turn it around and ask for what you do want.

Not wanting anything or saying "I don't know what I want" is often just a way of escaping taking responsibility for what you do want because then you have to go out and make it happen.

It is usually a result of years of not getting what you want and also years of giving to others thinking you will get what you want. We sacrifice ourselves for the sake of being loved by others. I call it the "Code of the Caretaker" when I talk about the massage profession, but the more I look into this, the more I see it in just about everyone. We take care of others in the way that we wish others would take care of us. Now as adults we are left waiting to be rescued and rather than taking the risk of asking for what we want - we give up on ourselves and wanting anything at all.

I also think you can take it above and beyond wanting as wanting still hints of needs. Desire is a better word. Desire is something inside of you that gets covered up by learning that you don't deserve to be happy and have what you really, really want - a desire. A desire comes from the heart.

The other part about asking for what you want is that your thoughts will often tell you something different. Your thoughts will tell you things like "I am not good enough", "I don't deserve that" and cause us to beat ourselves up and suffer as a result. Becoming aware of these thoughts is a process that is often painful and difficult because after all - these thoughts are usually unconscious. They are a result of all the programming we got growing up - parents and family members, school teachers and even friends all were a part of what developed our beliefs about ourselves. The thing is that most of these things are just not true, but we are unable to see it because it is so ingrained in our very being and our so called 'survival' depends on it. So as we learn to uncover these thoughts and ways of being that no longer serve us we can begin to change those long held false beliefs that keep us stuck- that keep us from having those things we really desire.

Asking for what you desire even if you don't get it immediately will make you more attractive to what you want. Asking for what you want involves taking a risk that you won't get it and learning that if you don't get it that it doesn't mean that you don't deserve it or will never have it.

So often we get caught up in asking for what we need rather than what we want/desire. This is really the cause of not getting what we want. Needs are different from wants in that needs are usually that of our inner child. Wants are different and come from our higher self or whatever you may call your adult self. Neediness is a result of not getting your needs met as an infant or child and reflects the amount of grieving you need to do to get over not getting the need met. When you are able to let go of that, you can begin to see what it is that you really want.

I know it is a little confusing about needs/wants/desires and I started using wants as meaning the same thing as desires but I think that desires makes it something that is more compelling and makes it something that we can commit to getting because we are so passionate about it - desire.